I have seen and experienced what I refer to as the " Tug of War " in relationships.
Man pulls on rope to get the things he wants and needs. Woman falls easily and gives in to showering the man with attention, love, flexibility, time. The woman then pulls the rope to get back in return some of what she has given and the man has a tight grip on it and she cannot get it. Men have a problem making time, being attentive, acknowledging feelings and commitment.
I have seen and experienced what I refer to as the " Tug of War " in relationships.
Man pulls on rope to get the things he wants and needs. Woman falls easily and gives in to showering the man with attention, love, flexibility, time. The woman then pulls the rope to get back in return some of what she has given and the man has a tight grip on it and she cannot get it. Men have a problem making time, being attentive, acknowledging feelings and commitment.
Why ? I thought maybe those were just signs of a man who is not into a woman, but I am finding more and more men like this....
Why is it easy for women to give and fall so quickly but hard for men ? less...
Quoting: Originally posted by truefriendinme I think what Vegas meant is that men, in general, have a very hard time being affectionate, showing love, giving freely of time, things of that nature. Women easily change schedules to accomodate...
Beautifully said True, sad to think you might be right.
So what are my choices a retiree or a Labrador..maybe I'll get both. lol more...
Quoting: Originally posted by truefriendinme I think what Vegas meant is that men, in general, have a very hard time being affectionate, showing love, giving freely of time, things of that nature. Women easily change schedules to accomodate men, easily accept last minute changes to plans, seem to enjoy spending time with men whether it be shopping, watching movies, cooking at home or planning a family picnic. Men tend to want to BE there, but not THERE. At least, the men I have met.
The men I have encountered seem to want to take credit for doing all these great things, but it took a woman willing to make it an act of Congress, to make it happen at all. And it's not that the men aren't into us, or that it is a new relationship and we need to take it slow. It's long term relationships, too. My ex was a prime example. Of course, he was always like this, even in the beginning. The men I have encountered and talked to since (even just the other halves of my friends, married and not) are typically the same way. They want to spend all the time in the world with us in bed, eat the dinners we prepare, take us out to have fun, have us there to talk to. But, when it comes to the really hard stuff, like being emotionally available for the long, tough talks about our pasts and futures, our haunts adn regrets, our fears and aspirations --or when it comes to not being so aggressive during lovemaking or understanding that certain behaviors might freak us out, or being patient with us when we change our minds about what we want to be when we grow up...it's all THESE things that the men I have encountered can't seem to handle. I do not know ONE woman (and I work in a hospital--a traditionally female oriented workplace) who can share even MOST of the intimacies that she really wants to with her man. They come to work and talk with female co-workers and/or friends.
This isn't new to us, men. This is just so FREAKIN' frustrating to us! I want to be me, to be independent, to be loved and to love, and to have a fulfilling relationship. But I want to do it with a man that I FEEL like I can share anything with. Not just select bits and pieces that won't make him uncomfortable or bolt for the door. I want to be accepted completely, so I can feel secure in letting my guard down and accepting him into my life completely, too.
In all fairness, there is one exception: I have a friend I shall call "Marie". Her husband "Tim" is a good guy. Attentive, caring, spends time with his family, makes time for her, spends quiet alone time with her, etc. The only thing is, she is the typical man's dream. She has no aspirations of her own. She lives to be there for him. Whatever he says, she does. He wears the pants. He works (an dshe does too), but he spends the money and determines what to buy and when. He decides where to live. He even decides when she can buy new clothes. NOT the kind of concession I am willing to make, fellas.
I still carry a torch for the dream of a relationship of equals. A relationship that I am fully comfortable in and can feel confident that the man at my side truly wants to be there. In the mean time: It has been my (limited) experience guys, that there is a very thin line between what we all want out of a man, and what we are going to ultimately get. If you want a man that will love you, inside and out, and still want to spend time with you, get a retiree! If you want a strong, independent, yet emotionally available guy? Get a Labrador. (LOL!) Still hoping to find the one...--True
Beautifully said True, sad to think you might be right.
So what are my choices a retiree or a Labrador..maybe I'll get both. lol less...
I think what Vegas meant is that men, in general, have a very hard time being affectionate, showing love, giving freely of time, things of that nature. Women easily change schedules to accomodate men, easily accept last minute changes to plans, seem to enjoy spending time with men whether it be shopping, watching movies, cooking at home or planning a family picnic. Men tend to want to BE there, but not THERE. At least, the men I have met.
The men I have encountered seem to want to take c more...
I think what Vegas meant is that men, in general, have a very hard time being affectionate, showing love, giving freely of time, things of that nature. Women easily change schedules to accomodate men, easily accept last minute changes to plans, seem to enjoy spending time with men whether it be shopping, watching movies, cooking at home or planning a family picnic. Men tend to want to BE there, but not THERE. At least, the men I have met.
The men I have encountered seem to want to take credit for doing all these great things, but it took a woman willing to make it an act of Congress, to make it happen at all. And it's not that the men aren't into us, or that it is a new relationship and we need to take it slow. It's long term relationships, too. My ex was a prime example. Of course, he was always like this, even in the beginning. The men I have encountered and talked to since (even just the other halves of my friends, married and not) are typically the same way. They want to spend all the time in the world with us in bed, eat the dinners we prepare, take us out to have fun, have us there to talk to. But, when it comes to the really hard stuff, like being emotionally available for the long, tough talks about our pasts and futures, our haunts adn regrets, our fears and aspirations --or when it comes to not being so aggressive during lovemaking or understanding that certain behaviors might freak us out, or being patient with us when we change our minds about what we want to be when we grow up...it's all THESE things that the men I have encountered can't seem to handle. I do not know ONE woman (and I work in a hospital--a traditionally female oriented workplace) who can share even MOST of the intimacies that she really wants to with her man. They come to work and talk with female co-workers and/or friends.
This isn't new to us, men. This is just so FREAKIN' frustrating to us! I want to be me, to be independent, to be loved and to love, and to have a fulfilling relationship. But I want to do it with a man that I FEEL like I can share anything with. Not just select bits and pieces that won't make him uncomfortable or bolt for the door. I want to be accepted completely, so I can feel secure in letting my guard down and accepting him into my life completely, too.
In all fairness, there is one exception: I have a friend I shall call "Marie". Her husband "Tim" is a good guy. Attentive, caring, spends time with his family, makes time for her, spends quiet alone time with her, etc. The only thing is, she is the typical man's dream. She has no aspirations of her own. She lives to be there for him. Whatever he says, she does. He wears the pants. He works (an dshe does too), but he spends the money and determines what to buy and when. He decides where to live. He even decides when she can buy new clothes. NOT the kind of concession I am willing to make, fellas.
I still carry a torch for the dream of a relationship of equals. A relationship that I am fully comfortable in and can feel confident that the man at my side truly wants to be there. In the mean time: It has been my (limited) experience guys, that there is a very thin line between what we all want out of a man, and what we are going to ultimately get. If you want a man that will love you, inside and out, and still want to spend time with you, get a retiree! If you want a strong, independent, yet emotionally available guy? Get a Labrador. (LOL!) Still hoping to find the one...--True less...
Because of the past societal attitudes "Real Men " were not supposed to cry or show feelings.
"We as guys were brought up not to show emotion.(The notion was that it made us weak.) So we build walls to contain our feelings. We were tought to be tough and to be stoic ,not show emotion.
Think of John Wayne, Humphrey Bogart, Johnny Wisemuller as role models. I have to say I have softened a bit.Yes I have been known to wet a few hankies.(not Often though. )I've moved towards t more...
Because of the past societal attitudes "Real Men " were not supposed to cry or show feelings.
"We as guys were brought up not to show emotion.(The notion was that it made us weak.) So we build walls to contain our feelings. We were tought to be tough and to be stoic ,not show emotion.
Think of John Wayne, Humphrey Bogart, Johnny Wisemuller as role models. I have to say I have softened a bit.Yes I have been known to wet a few hankies.(not Often though. )I've moved towards the middle ,But not a gusher yet.Really ladies do you you want a "weepy guy" who cries every time a character on a soap opera dies or gets dumped? less...
Women give of themselves too freely, we are the caregiver's or the mother's - can't seem to help ourselves. Of course I am generalizing as there are many wonderful men that are giving but a much more feminine trait. Men are taught to be strong and less emotional and therefore much harder I expect for them to give over their inner beings and open themselves up. Tug-of-war is a good name for it.
